HAHAHA

I'm in the process of deleting my Twitter account and came across all these hysterically funny things that have been said by yours truly. I had to put them somewhere before they are lost forever.

Anyone who belongs to the website "My Life is Twilight" makes me want to light myself on fire. They should all by eaten by tigers.

There's frosting dried onto the blinker in my car. Its disgusting but yet again I feel that says something about me and my eating habits.

Why is Kristen Stewart famous? She's all kinds of suck. What's she even famous for anyways? Having sex with mythical creatures? I'm sure a lot of people do that. I wonder if she knows vampires aren't real. Someone ask her.

I just found cookie crumbs in my bed...I feel this says something about me.

I think I have been abducted by aliens. They've implanted microscopic video cameras into my foot.

I just bought a cap gun so I'm running around like cops and robbers. I'll get that escaped convict!

It's all fun and games until Taylor Swift starts dating your celebrity boyfriend.

I just found a human tooth on the kitchen counter. I'm sure there is a logical explaination for this.

I hate sleeping with my door open. It makes it so much easier for someone to sneak in and slash me in the night.

I always knew I had superhuman powers! I have the power to stain a brand new shirt in under 1 minute.

When I move out I will watch movies on Friday nights. Anyone who tells me otherwise will be punched in the face.

I had salsa in my pants.

Our bathroom smells like someone caught a salmon and put it under our cupboard. Also the salmon has probably been there for awhile.

I just asked for something called 24 hour energy. I realized that those substances are what got Lindsay Lohan tossed in jail.

Sad that my to do list includes being a normal human. Sadder still is that it's probably the only thing that won't be achieved today.

It smells like mold and chicken enchiladas down here.

I have the smell of rich people all over me. I can't get it off.

Also, why do mexicans feel compelled to push their 6 year olds in strollers made for babies.

I love her but sometimes I feel visually assaulted by Lady Gagas wardrobe.

They keep playing Hannah Montana for these kids. I'm sure even sick kids have ear drums.