What in theWorld??

BEEEEE! This new format is tripping me up!!!! I'M SO CONFUSED.

On a happier note, I myself plan to dominate the world this week. Not by wearing a humunga mustache.. (although I haven't put it out of my mind completely...) but by getting a drivers license! Yeah, you probably drive. But you aren't me! MUAHAHAH.

the joys of being funny

So my darling sister Emmy asked me to write something funny. As I was pondering what to write, I decided that showing you something funny might be better than writing something funny. After all a picture is worth a thousand words.

http://www.thewirelesscatalog.com/wireless/Customer-Favorites_3AA/Item_Mustache-Mirror_VH4633.html

Yes my friends that IS what you think it is. Also, since we're on the topic of facial hair, why not help out mans best friend.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/pets/d5e5/

Make sure you read the description of this valuable product. And now you know what I spend a majority of my time doing. Which is funny. I have thusly fulfilled the requirement of writing something funny. Good day.

pouvre slipper :(

A travesty has occured. The cute little pom pom has fallen off my new slippers. :( What once was a big pom pom, has turned into a small lame one. Tragic.

Hot puppy.

This morning I got on Facebook and this picture was posted on my wall with the caption "hahahahahahahahahhahahaha this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. and that puppy is soooooooooooo cute."

Can anyone guess who might have put this on my wall? Yeah, you're probably right.

In Dublins fair city where the girls are so Pretty.

Oh Dingle, my new home!

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
    "What?"
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Protect your beardo.

http://www.beardowear.ca

I find this to be slightly amusing. Although I sadly cannot take credit for this ingenious invention, I applaud the person that came up with the idea. Well done.

Adventures in grocery shopping

Today I went grocery shopping. Woah Woah! Calm down you say! Don't get too crazy! I know. Ok well I did go shopping and I was the only white person under age 70 in that store. It was nice. Very vulnerable feeling. But nice. It smelled like flowers and organic foods. But it was lovely. The check out lanes had street signs above them and a mural was painted on the wall and I believe it was supposed to be what this area of California was supposed to look like. I have never seen that but I suppose if a mural is painted of it, it must be true! Murals don't lie.

Freeway Freeway.

Here I am in my new apartment sitting on my bed listening to the nice soothing sounds offffff.... THE FREAKING CARS THAT ARE BUZZING DOWN THE ROAD!!! Seriously, this apartment is sooooo loud. I might as well be sleeping under the 405 bridge except that it's warmer in here and probably smells a little better. But my apartment does smell like my dead grandfathers bathroom. It's a very distinct smell that I will always remember and has not reincarnated in my place. Oh well. Anyways, the amount of noise these cars make is a little absurd. For all you apartment shoppers I would recommend never buying an apartment on a busy road.

I will find my sock.

ACCIO SOCK!!

Elmer Jr. is no match for magic that comes directly from Hogwarts.